We are all great novelists in the story of our life
We are all very good at telling ourselves stories to justify and rationalise the results that show up in life.
You’re late to meet a friend for coffee … it was the traffic; it was worse than usual, and you are off and racing on the latest traffic story for the day.
You get to the end of your money before the end of the month again. The price of eggs has gone up again, and what about petrol, and you are off and running on the latest cost of living story.
We don’t just tell ourselves these stories about money, we do it for every result we have in life, both good and bad.
If you’re trying to shift something in your life — your weight, fitness, finances — this simple formula is a powerful place to start:
Beliefs drive behaviours, and behaviours drive results.
I like to start at the end of the formula and start with the results.
What are some of the things that you are really proud of in life? Maybe it’s buying your first home. Paying off a student loan or some other debt.
What about some things that you aren’t quite so proud of? You still have some lingering debt that you just can’t clear. You just can’t seem to save money.
Think of a few of your own and write them down.
The next step is to look at the behaviours that got you to this point and the result you are living right now.
What did you do to get that result? This is where we go into novelist mode and the stories come out thick and fast. That’s not what I asked. What did you DO?, in other words what actions did you take, or not take, that got you to this position.
I was late for coffee because I didn’t set the alarm, and I was late leaving the house. There you have it, plain and simple, the action, the doing, that gave you the result
I ended up in debt because I didn’t manage my money and consistently spent more than I earned.
When you drop the novel, and get to the cold hard truth of actions, it can look pretty harsh, we need that harshness to encourage us to make the changes that we need to.
On the flip side, if you look at your positive actions, they look even better without the novel.
We bought our first home because we saved hard, we had a goal, and we cut out all unnecessary expenses to reach that goal.
That really is something to be proud of isn’t it.
Once you have really identified the behaviours that have got you the results, the next part is very important and that’s they ‘why’ we behave we do, or our beliefs. Most people don’t get to this part. That’s why, when you wake up one morning, look in the mirror and think, Something needs to change. So, you enthusiastically skip the muffin with your morning coffee. Great. Things go well for a while… until a new flavour catches your eye and suddenly, you’re back to your old routine.
Real, lasting change happens when you tie your beliefs to your behaviours. If you don’t really believe that you need or want to change, you won’t. It really is that simple. Even after life threatening events, like heart attacks and strokes about 25% of men (7% of women), make no changes to their lifestyles. Maybe they believe it won’t make any difference what they do. Maybe they believe lightning won’t strike twice so they don’t need to change. Who knows, but there will be an underlying belief that stops them making the changes necessary for their health. What about the other 75% who do change? They change their beliefs about their lifestyle; they take the actions that are recommended so they can get a different result and not have a repeat heart attack.
It’s the same with our money, our beliefs will keep us trapped in old habits that may not be serving us.
Our beliefs can also help us stick to the behaviours that do serve us well, because you understand your ‘why’.
Often, I’ll hear: “I don’t need to look at my beliefs — I just want to save more money!” Totally understandable. But here’s the thing: our beliefs shape how we show up in the world, whether we realise it or not. They’re often formed early, and they can quietly influence the choices we make every day.
Let me share an example. A client once came to me in a bit of a crisis. Bills were piling up, her credit card was declined, and her power was about to be cut off. She’d stopped opening her mail — it felt too overwhelming. Understandably, she just wanted to fix the situation.
And we did. We put a plan in place, opened the mail, and got her back on track. But the deeper shift came when we looked at why this pattern had shown up in the first place.
As we talked, it became clear she’d grown up with the belief that women aren’t good with money. Her father handled the finances, and her mum (apparently) wasn’t capable. That belief stuck. In her relationships, she let her partner take care of the money. Even in business. So, when she was suddenly on her own, the belief kicked in — I can’t manage money. And her behaviour — avoiding it — made that feel true.
Beliefs like this don’t shift overnight. But once we become aware of them, we can start to rewrite the story. Slowly, consistently, and with a bit of compassion.
So here’s a gentle nudge to reflect:
- Are you where you want to be financially?
- How about your health or overall wellbeing?
If the answer’s no, it might be time to explore the beliefs and behaviours that are running the show — and whether they’re working for you anymore.