This relationship is over!

This Relationship is Over! We can all say things in the heat of the moment, and then live to regret them later.

Why am I talking about this now?  Anecdotally, mid-January and into February is when family lawyers get very busy with the relationships that have limped through the Christmas break.

And according to social media surveys, for dating relationships break up day is 11 December. Why? The thought of meeting your partners family is just too much, or you just don’t want to invest in a gift for them!

So, before you utter those words (either before or after Christmas) and storm out the door to see if the grass is really greener on the other side, here are 7 key points to consider.

1. Is this relationship really over?  Have you done everything you can to try and work through your issues and try to reconnect?  Yes, there are some situations that there is no going back from, but in many cases, counselling can really make a difference.
2. Take a financial reality check.  If you are the leaver review your financial situation before you pack your bags.  There is no guarantee that you will enjoy the same lifestyle once you leave the relationship.  Are you in a position financially to set up your own home and support yourself?  Or you may find yourself having to support two homes.  If you are the one being left, then getting on top of your finances as quickly as possible is crucial.  There is a tendency for you to want life to carry on as usual while you deal with the hurt, but that may just not be possible from a financial perspective.
3. The relationship is over, but the financial connections can take much longer to sort out.  You need to know what you own, what you owe, and where you are joined at the hip.  If you have joint bank accounts, are you going to continue to contribute to them to pay joint bills?  What about credit cards and utilities who is taking responsibility for paying them?  Yes, you are jointly responsible, but the last thing you want is your ex-partner clearing out joint accounts or racking up credit card bills that you have to pay.
4. If you own a home together who is going to stay and who is going to leave?  If you stay, can you continue to pay the mortgage?  Selling the home is a huge decision and not made lightly, particularly if there are children involved as you want to give them as much stability as you can.  But there is no point in hanging onto the house for grim death, if you can’t afford to live in it, pay all the bills and still put food on the table.  Research and take advice from both the real estate and financial perspective and work out from a non-emotive point of view what is going to be best for you.
5. If you have been a stay-at-home parent, you may be entitled to spousal maintenance (alimony), but this isn’t designed to keep you for the rest of your life.  Re-entering the workforce and starting to forge your own career is a reality you need to come to terms with and plan for. There are plenty of HR and career advisers only too willing to offer advice and support about retraining and getting back to work.
6. You have made the decision that the relationship is over, there is no going back.  Before you leave is the time to seek legal advice from a specialist.  You don’t know what you don’t know, and it is best to find out what the likely path is before you take it.  If you are on the receiving end and have been left, getting legal advice as soon as possible is really important for you as well.  You need to know what you are entitled to and what the process is.
7. The relationship is over, and you have moved on to your new life.  Don’t take your baggage with you, either personal or financial.  As Joel Osteen said, the problem with going from an old relationship to a new, is you take yourself with you!

If you are wondering whether to stay or go, don’t overlook the financial aspects of your relationship.